Happiness to me....

Happiness to me comes from small things.....
... seeing my baby sleep
... seeing him cry after waking up and stretching his hands to pick him up
... seeing my wife sleep hugging my baby
... sleeping with my baby in my arms
... seeing my wife not willing to wake up on a weekend morning
... changing my baby's daipers
... making coffee for my wife on a lazy weekend
... making break-fast and keeping it ready before my wife wakes up
... planting a kiss on my wife's cheek when my baby is not looking
... my wife holding my hands when her parents are around
... my wife calling my name instead of her mother's name when in pain
... carrying the bag of grocery while my wife walks besides me holding our baby
... reaching the door of my house and waiting to see the smile in my baby's face

............. many more such small things are the ones that keep my heart ticking......

Hummer Off Road Test Drive.

Last weekend I took the Hummer Off-Road test drive. It was Priya's dream to own a Hummer. She would always say 'Can we buy a Hummer instead of a house?'. Anyways, had seen advertisement and clippings of the Hummer and was interested, but was not sure. The thought that would come to my mind was: 'When we are never going to buy this why should I test drive?' After I saw the invitation, I called the dealer to schedule an appointment for the test drive. I was still not sure if I would go for the event. In the invitation they had mentioned that there would be no sales pitch or pressure, which was one more reason for me going for the event. The most important reason for going was Priya. I wanted to take the drive and tell her how it was. I then scheduled the test drive for 2pm Saturday.
I showed up late and the Customer service was more than happy to fit me into the next slot which was at 4pm. I had over 1 hour to browse through the show room. I first started looking at the H1. Those are the ones that the Military folks use, I guess. They were huge and ugly. There was not enough room at the driver's seat. The door was too close to the seats. I had to move to my side before I closed the door. The controls inside were nicely arranged, all of them facing the driver. The seats were not so comfortable. It was the same with the passenger side seat too, not so comfortable and too close to the door. Looked like they had too much stuff fit between the two seats. Next was H2. That too was huge but looked better than H1. The seats were comfortable and bucket shaped. The door was not as close. I did not have to bang the door to close it too. Nice leg space etc. Then, I looked at the H3. H3 falls into the category of SUV's. This is smaller than the other two, still big, but was too good. Everything inside was nice and hard. H3 was different from other SUV's like the 4runner and other cars. Those were more of luxury and this looked like a performance car. It had the ‘Rough and Tough’ look.

There were around 20 Hummers (H2 and H3's) lined up for the test drive. We were grouped so that one vehicle would have two couples. The vehicle I got was numbered as V-15 and was accompanied by another heavy-weight couple. The man (Bob) would have weighed 400 pounds easily and I suspected that the vehicle would get grounded. Anyways, I was too excited and quickly found the vehicle and took on to the driver's seat, Buckled-up, started and waited. When Bob got into the vehicle, it did not even move. Wow! I was impressed; I was expecting it would flip-over. It was time for the test drive and each vehicle had a two-way radio and the instructors were instructing.... 'Go slow and steady'. They were worried because in a whole around $600K were at stake, any damage would be expensive for all. I was getting excited and wanted the vehicles ahead of me to move quickly so that I could start. All were taking their sweet time. The vehicles ahead of me started to move slowly and my turn came. The Instructor, Sean, pointed me to take a left and wait. I slowly moved front, took a left turn and .......... could not see a damn thing after that. It was a steep fall from there and I could not see where I was going to. I wanted to ask Sean if I could get down and see where I was heading too. Man! it was like a free fall for me... not knowing where you are going. He waved his hand prompting me to come forward.... and I took little baby steps... one at a time, at the brake and acceleration. As we were slowly and smoothly going down, I could see the grass and gravel in the ground. Next was uphill. The uphill was equally steep... I pushed the gas pedal and we were now looking at the sky. (We had our sun-roof open). I could hear things fall from the lady's hand bag, who was sitting tight lipped at the back. As I reached the top ... it was the same thing... do not know where I was heading to as I could not see anything beyond me other than the clear blue sky. After those two difficult slopes, it was the rocks. I would have never driven over the rocks if it were my own vehicle. The rocks looked dangerous. Then, there was this sharp and tilted curve. As I took the turn, I felt like I was driving a bike in the 'death well', remember 'Gemini Circus' where the guy goes round and round inside the well, it was more or less like that, except that I had to do it just once and I was not in a bike. Here, too, I was worried that the Vehicle would flip-over. I was more worried thinking what would have happened if Bob fell over me- Yes the seat belt worked and he remained there and the car did not flip-over. The next track was mud-track. There was a swamp and we had to go downhill and then uphill. I was sure, it would slide all the way down and then we would then not able to go up after that. Sean instructed us to change the gear setting to 4Up. We were driving 4down till then. Man! the car just took us all the way down and then up as if there was not mud or swamp there. It was now time to switch drivers and I did not want to give it away. Bob drove the second half of the track and I got to sit at the passenger seat. It was as exciting to just sit and watch. Bob was more experienced than me. He was like a pro. He would intentionally go over logs; he would drive in-between the swamp and laugh when the car slid. The whole trip was like a trip to Six-flags.

Yes! Now, I too want to buy this Hummer. It is expensive but affordable. They say it 'drinks' fuel, but, it is as bad as Toyota 4runner or Nissan Xtra. I guess, I should start saving some money for my next HumV - H3. (And Priya is going to say ‘Yes’ to me atleast this time, for a change!!!)

Random Thoughts : Oct07-2005

Random Thoughts : Oct07-2005
Thought #1 Looking at the speed-o-meter of my car.... I was thinking 'Damn! so much space wasted.' What they should have done is just kept an electronic speed-o-meter, or atleast something similar to a weighing scale... where the needle (pointer) remains at the same place and the reading behind it moves according to the weight/speed. The car's speedometer also should be similar. Instead of a circular speed-o-meter, have a small strip which can display the current speed. This will save lots of space in the display area, which can be used for various other purpose.
Thought #2 All cars should have a 'speed reminder' which can be set like your cruise control. New cars have something called 'dynamic cruise control', which basically calculates the speed of the car ahead of you and adjusts the speed accordingly. 'Speed Reminder' should be programable and set to a desired speed and when you cross that speed it should start beeping. I have had many time driven without realizing the speed at which I was travelling. Last time I got a hefty ticket was I was driving at 90MPH where the speed limit was 70MPH. Actually, I did not realize that I was going that fast. There was lot of stop and go traffic before that and I could not use my cruise control and then when the road cleared... I just sped. The speed reminder will also be helpful when you are driving at local roads where the speed is 40PMH and can't use your cruise control. All you have to do is set your 'Speed Reminder' to something like 45MPH and it would beep when you over-speed. The chime could be like the one you get when you do not put the seat-belts or when you leave your headlights on.

Thought #3 The cricket match should add a new option where a player gets a 'second-chance'. The captain should be able to allow one player to come-back and continue from where he was when he got out. For e.g. if the batsman (Sachin) got out at 99, the team desperatly needs one player to bat well, he could sacrifice Harbajan Singh's batting and make Sachin bat from 99. That way, Sachin could complete his century and the team could get some good scores too. The batsman would be allowed to play only 5 overs at the max. And if he gets out, he can not come back. Similarly, a bowler can also come back after his spell of 10 overs and bowl an extra 2 or 3 overs. This should be in addition to the 'Super-sub'. The rule can be named - 'Second-chance' or 'Trump card'.

Forget her? Move on?

She died and was not alone during the last moments. She had her daughters and son around her during her last moments. May her soul rest in peace. She could not survive the battle against death and had to give up. The drips and all the medicines could not fight the powerful forces. Now, for us it is time to move on and forget her. She is no more. Forget her. She has been laid to rest. Forget her and move on. Inspite of me repeating the words 'Forget her, Move on!' to myself, I have not been able to either forget her or move on. ...

She was the one who gave birth to an angel- my loving mother. She was the one who held my mother in her laps and fed her with her blood. How can I forget that. As I held my son on to my shoulder and sang a lullaby, I recollected, she too would have done the same thing to my mother, to me, to my brothers. But, is there any point recollecting all this when I was not there with her during the last days nor was I there during the final moments when she was laid to rest. A 'phone call' is what I did. 'Amma, sorry to hear her go.' - I said. 'Did everybody come?', I asked. She said, 'Yes! and everybody has left too. They just waited for the funeral and left.' God! I said to myself. Why does nobody have time? I did not dare tell this to my mom. What if she asked me - 'Why did you not come?' What if she asked me - 'Why did you not come when your dad had an heart attack? Why did you not come when I had a fracture in my leg and I could not even walk with out help? You should have sent your wife to look after me!' I did not have any answers if she had asked me.

Ofcourse, I had answers. But those answers would have been from the mouth of a selfish son who does not want to sacrifice the comfort of having his wife and child around. It would have been from an unfaithful son. Amma, if I take vacation, I may be left with no job here and end up loosing a lot. Should I tell that to get her sympathy? Should I tell that so that she does not feel bad on why her son is so heartless? Will she feel dejected on the way they brought us up? or just 'Forget her, Move on ??'

A real Ghost story

Yesterday, it rained heavily and thunder was so bright that it made the moon fade for a moment. I ran into my lonley and empty house, greeted with darkness.... I rushed upstairs and dried myself.

Now that she is not here with me, this is how my usual preparation for my bedtime is: I take my cholestrol medicines before bedtime. It has a side effect that it causes flusing to my face. To avoid that I need to have yoghurt and asprin 30 minutes before I take the medicine. I make it a point to keep a table fan near me before sleeping with a auto-time of 60 minutes. After that, I put an ointment to my eye to reduce my 'corneal degeneration'. The ointment is so viscous that once I apply it, it becomes very difficult to see and I am not only colour blind (though for some reason I can not see colour at night) but also partially blind. The art of applying oinment to your eye yourself is a talent in itself and the art of reaching your bed after applying the ointment is another talent. Will talk about it sometime later.

Anyways, I did all the above rituals yesterday too but for some reason, I felt that something was not complete. Something inside me was telling that I had forgotten something. Went to my bed with a heavy foot with my eyes closed and managed to lie in the proper position where my face would get the maximum breeze from the fan. As I was about to fall asleep..... I felt somebody was there in the room. I tried to hear for any noises (remember, I can not open my eyes because of the ointment). My eyebrows took the shape of a mountain as my ear muscles and drums grew large and sensitive. I felt a shot of hot breeze hit my toes, as if somebody was breating heavily over my toes, but the breeze was so intense that I felt it was not somebody's breath but the frequency of it hitting my toes were regular. It would hit my toes and then stop for like 6 seconds and then again hit it for another 6 seconds and it continued for like 5 times. I was getting nervous. Then it stopped momentarily. Then, I felt someone touching my toes. The touch soon turned to a hold. I could now feel somebody was holding my right leg toe. I wanted to open my eyes to see, but I could not. I waited to find out what it would do next. It held my toe more harder and I could not move my leg even a bit. I now, lifted my left leg and pushed against my right toe to remove the hold but my left leg could not feel anybody holding. Suddenly it twisted my toes and I had to let go my left foot and bring it back so that I could have a grip and not roll down. It then bent my toes forward and pressed it harder and I could feel my blood flow from near my nails. There was no pain though. I do not recollect what happened after that.... when I woke up in the morning there was few drops of blood in the floor and my toe was black and bruised as if it was crushed.

Do not know what happened.

Waiting for her call

Today is Monday and I am expecting her call.
Before I go further, I would like to share a riddle/joke with you all.
'What is the opposite of STD?' (Pandi's and Mallu's will appreciate the joke). I have posted the answer at the end.
Second question, Which is right? Blind forgiveness to judicious anger?
While you think, you can read my blog .......We were born and bought up in a religious family but never ever practiced strict worshipping. I have been of late, bit more religious owing to ‘1008’ (aayirathi yetu prachanai) problems that I have been facing. I do not forget to tell my prayers before sleeping and after I wake up. But my wife is different, married only for few years now has not faced any real problems. Her marriage with me was also an easy and quick one and as such does not pray. On asking, she usually says, ‘Should I really thank God for getting you as my husband?’ ...After her pregnancy and child birth and other hormonal changes, she has been affected by memory loses. Initially, I mistook it for her laziness. But now, the problem seems to be getting serious. She forgets something or the other everyday. Whenever we go to the malls, she would either forget her Keys or Credit card or Purse or baby’s Diaper bag, or Milk bottle or something. Next day, she would call me at work and plead, 'I cannot find our house keys. Can you go to JC Penny and get it?' I will have to tell my boss some lie and get out of work earlier. Every Monday, there will be something or the other. If it were JCPenny this week, next would be Sears or Bath and Body works. If it were Keys this week, then it would be something else next week. Embarrassing indeed it is, what is more painful is that every time she looses something and until we get it back, she would have promised herself to donate $X to the temple, where X is the same variable that we studied in college & school. X would vary depending on the value of the Article lost. First thing she lost was her watch (I still do not believe her version of loosing and I think she intentionally threw it away), then, she had promised that she would make me ‘fast’ for a day. Then, she lost our marriage ring (I still do not believe her version of loosing this too and I think she intentionally threw it away), she promised that she would make me 'fast' for every Saturday for a year. Saturday being a weekend was usually the party time with my hi-spirited friends where drinks and non-veg was unlimited in addition to all the cigarettes. Now that I have stopped drinking, smoking and non-veg, she no longer promises that. Now it is the $$. What surprises me is that she never forgets those incidents where I had spoken rudely to my mother-in-law or looked secretly at the girl next door. ...Harsh words and arguments being the root of every conflict in the world, I have chosen blind forgiveness to judicious anger to all her acts, meanwhile, praying that her hormonal level comes back to normal and also that she be not so religious.
Today, being Monday.... I am still waiting for her call....

The answer to my riddle -- Opposite of 'S T D ' is 'No Coffee Da' ...

Gowri Kalyanam

Gowri was the only daughter of her blind and old parents. They had a late marriage which could be because of their physical disability and they had this beautiful daughter when they were in their 40's. Gowri was of my age, we both grew up together but under completely different family atmosphere and circumstances. In spite of us being neighbors we hardly spoke or looked directly at each other. Our village - Karnapuram was very orthodox. The village had a mixture of Malayalees and Tamil Brahmins who were called Palakkad Iyers. She was a Palakkad iyer. There was nothing common between us. Nothing at all. We used to fetch water from the same well, bathe in the same pond, go to the same temple, go to the same market,but,the language she spoke was different, the people with whom she mixed were different, the looks she had was different, the food she ate was different. Everything was different.

Gowri was a very beautiful girl since childhood. Her parents being blind, not much care was taken of her. We used to see elderly women going in and out of their house and I guessed they were helping her parents. Her father was a very good classical singer. A taxi would come once a week to pick him up for the 'kacheri'. Gowri would stand beside the wooden pillar. She never wore a dress. The only dress I had seen her put was her under wear. Her mother being blind, I guess, never realized that she was growing up. She did not go to school. I used to see her playing naked in the streets making mud castles when I returned from school. She too, like her father, used to sing nicely. She was like a nightingale. Her songs would fill the whole street. Her favorite was the 'Kaanthanodu chenu melle killi morzhi suchamihavada...' from Swathithirunal. My eyes would be filled with tears whenever I heard her sing that song. She used to sing it quite often and this song became my favorite too. I used to think if she indeed had a 'beloved' whom she wanted to convey her feelings. She never met anybody, whom did she wait for? Who was that? I would forget that thought when she sang the next song and I would get immersed in her next song. The songs she sang always had great lyrics and words, words like - 'Iswarande nidhi' (God's treasure), 'Thingalam uyarnu vannu, chenkanal choriyunnu...'(Moon's soft light is like burning redhot flame). She was good in 'handi-crafts' too. She made flowers out of papers that would fool even a bee. She painted well, so well that it would put the rainbow to shame. Such was she!

One magic day, I saw her all dressed up. She looked like an angel. She was covered with 'pattu paavada'(silk skirt). The exposing body parts like her hand were covered with 'Manjal'(Turmeric). Her palm was decorated with 'myilanji'(Mehndi). Her forehead had 'sindoorum and chandanam' like a rising sun (sindoor and sandlewood paste). Her eyes sparkled like a diamond. The bangles in her hand were like waterfall. Smile like a light wave. It was her 'Thirandu Kalyanam' - the day of her puberty.

She no longer could be seen naked. She no longer could be seen playing. She no longer could be seen hanging on to her father's shoulder. Only sign of her ambrosial presence was the celestial ko-lam(colorful patterns with rice powder). How I wished I could attend Gowri's kalyanam (marriage) too. Wonder how beautiful she would be looking!!!