Why Disha is better than my wife.....

I disliked it when my wife gave me driving directions. I could take all her attitude but could not take it when she gave me directions. When we slowed down at an intersection, wondering to take a right or left…. She would, without even being asked would tell – ‘Take right’ and I would take a left, just to prove her wrong and we would end up wasting at-least half-an-hour going around and finally stop at the gas station asking for direction. Yes. She was right, we should have taken the right at that intersection. No! Its not always like that… she gives wrong directions too but that goes un-noticed during arguments.

When we got married, we had hardly any reason to fight or argue amongst us. We had similar interest, similar tastes etc. She never complained at my drinking or the vulgar jokes I cracked when with friends. We were perfect – made for each other. This remained until we took the long drive to Florida (from Atlanta). The drive went well. We were armed with ‘map-quest’ maps with turn-by-turn directions. Everything went fine until we reached a ‘de-tour’ sign. There was some road construction and the roads were blocked. I was completely out of all sense of direction. Not used to thinking if we are going North or South or East or West….. I was suddenly stuck and embarrassment flowing down as sweats from forehead… decided to drive by intuition. ‘Follow the car ahead of you’ was the policy I used. It did not work out well. It was then I started to see the true nature and color of my wife…. she became mean and started to give me directions. I would say – ‘What do you know…. You do not even know driving and you are giving me directions??? Huh?’ Yes! That was the last time I said that, since then, I have just said that in my mind, never dared to speak openly. Anyways, I always went the opposite side to what my wife said. Sometimes, it worked and she would say, ‘I intentionally told you the wrong way, so that you will take the right turn’. I would say – ‘Venda toa. Samartyam venda’ (Don’t try to act smart). All our arguments started here and the pain of insult remained in me and I carried it to everything else… I would find fault in her cooking…. ‘Is that sambar or rasam?’ She would prepare coffee and I would say the tea is not good, she would prepare chicken and I would say why is the fish like this….I can’t differentiate your cooking… all food tastes the same'. I would not miss an opportunity in praising my friend’s wife’s cooking. Our marital woes had started and from ‘made-for-each-other’ changed to ‘fate-for-each-other’… cursing our fate on whom we married. I would think, ‘Were my parents blind when they choose her for me? What were they thinking? Just to get rid of their responsibility they selected her or what!!! At least I should have taken some dowry.’ She too would say the same thing back to me altering the words here and there.

Well, everything is history now. After Disha came to our life, life is good. She has changed everything for me. She has stopped those fights between me any my wife. She is always with me when I go out. I prefer to go out with her rather than my wife. She looks good, thin and beautiful. She is good in directions too. Well behaved .. never hurts my ego, never argues, never insults, does not talk with that ‘tone’. No mood swings or attitude. She has never let me down... giving right directions always. She has affected my marriage with my wife too. The happiness Disha gives me outside my home, I carry it to inside my home and spread it across to my wife. My wife is happy too. And when time came to intoduce Disha to my wife, my heart skipped a beat .... and my wife.... she too was excited to see Disha - our new GPS Navigation system.

Why Triglycerides and Cholesterol are sometimes good for you …..

The doctor read my blood report – high cholesterol, high triglycerides, over weight, no physical activity, smoking, drinking etc. and tagged me ‘high risk’. Wow!!! Congratulations!! You have everything to have worried wife.

He was right. When my wife read the report, she became really concerned and worried. The first thing she told me was to take a ‘Life Insurance’. The doctor had also attached a few sheets, one had a three colored pyramid, other had some black and white images of people running, and other had some images of some food and drinks. The plan was to make me eat healthy food, stop all bad habits and do some exercise – Get me in shape!!! were the exact words that the doctor had used. I had to exercise, run/jog whatever for 45 minutes, three days a week, every week. No smoking or drinking! No red-meat and lot of fruits. Hold on! I said, I do not eat red-meat and I drink lot of fruit/vegetable juice.

Vegetable juice? Is it V8?

No! I drink barley water (beer, whisky etc.) and occasionally grape juice (wine). I also do breathing exercise.

Breathing exercise? Yoga?

No! Inhale and exhale – smoking.

Good! Way to go!!!

Being very warm outside, we decided to buy a Treadmill. Bought a ‘fully loaded’ one – it has a fan, connects to TV and also to the computer. There is this software that you can use to track your progress and it can be sent to experts for advice. Apart from that, it has the heart rate and pulse monitor and other useless things like – Carb and calories burnt etc. We went to the showroom and ordered one…shipping and installation was not free…. So decided to rent a van and with the help of a friend brought it home….and when we finally brought it home, I had a back sprain and could not stand straight. Was in bed for whole day, and after many Tylenols and Tiger balms, was ready to walk. Bad start!!! Loss of pay for a day and the cost of medicines.

My friend suggested that the Treadmill is best as cloth hanger and swimming is the best. Went to the local YMCA and they had deals for a year membership, month to month was expensive…. Guess what! took the 1 year membership. Went swimming one day… and realized that I had chlorine allergy. Back to the doctor office and Walgreens. Though I became fairer after the chlorine bath that is not what I wanted. Also, there was a fee for cancellation which was more than the membership itself.

It was then, sombody told me about the cricket match tournament using tennis ball. I thought, after all it is not a cricket ball and I won’t get hurt, I should play. Waited for Saturday morning, woke up early in the morning, made a double omelet and drank the Boost that we had bought, carried a bottle of Gatorade. On Saturday, it rained and the game was cancelled, felt guilty of eating all that stuff thinking it would get burnt. The game was postponed to Sunday and this time, I skipped the egg and Boost. The game started an hour late…..it was fun playing especially after such a long time, approximately 10 years… I realized that I still had my thigh muscles….and soon that realization became a pain… by morning all my body parts were aching and I could not even lift my arms. Ouch!! By now, I had become a familiar face at the doctor’s office and at Walgreen’s. Another set of hot patches, ointments and taunts from my wife, was finally fit to lift my arm upwards.

You won’t believe what happened next, decided to play volleyball. Since it did not involve much running or sudden jerky actions, that was the game for me. Played safe for a week, next weekend, I was down again, this time with a broken finger and sprained wrist. It took three weeks until the doctors removed the plasters. Then when the soccer matches started, played soccer with group of friends, twisted my knees... missed work again, was in hospital and after getting discharged, was using the crutch for a week. Learnt in a hard way that outdoor activities were not good for me and decided to do yoga. The yoga book said that it should be done in comfortable clothes and most comfortable cloth for me as a ‘lungi’. I do not want to describe how my wife felt seeing me doing yoga in lungi. I am leaving it to the reader’s imagination. Yoga sessions too did not last long. My neck sprained and was walking like a robot for over a week.

That was the end of my physical activity. The doctor declared that it was better for me to have the high cholesterol and triglycerides rather than do exercises.

Now I can eat all I want, drink all I desire and live merrily, after all triglycerides and cholesterol are not bad for me....!!!