Forget her? Move on?

She died and was not alone during the last moments. She had her daughters and son around her during her last moments. May her soul rest in peace. She could not survive the battle against death and had to give up. The drips and all the medicines could not fight the powerful forces. Now, for us it is time to move on and forget her. She is no more. Forget her. She has been laid to rest. Forget her and move on. Inspite of me repeating the words 'Forget her, Move on!' to myself, I have not been able to either forget her or move on. ...

She was the one who gave birth to an angel- my loving mother. She was the one who held my mother in her laps and fed her with her blood. How can I forget that. As I held my son on to my shoulder and sang a lullaby, I recollected, she too would have done the same thing to my mother, to me, to my brothers. But, is there any point recollecting all this when I was not there with her during the last days nor was I there during the final moments when she was laid to rest. A 'phone call' is what I did. 'Amma, sorry to hear her go.' - I said. 'Did everybody come?', I asked. She said, 'Yes! and everybody has left too. They just waited for the funeral and left.' God! I said to myself. Why does nobody have time? I did not dare tell this to my mom. What if she asked me - 'Why did you not come?' What if she asked me - 'Why did you not come when your dad had an heart attack? Why did you not come when I had a fracture in my leg and I could not even walk with out help? You should have sent your wife to look after me!' I did not have any answers if she had asked me.

Ofcourse, I had answers. But those answers would have been from the mouth of a selfish son who does not want to sacrifice the comfort of having his wife and child around. It would have been from an unfaithful son. Amma, if I take vacation, I may be left with no job here and end up loosing a lot. Should I tell that to get her sympathy? Should I tell that so that she does not feel bad on why her son is so heartless? Will she feel dejected on the way they brought us up? or just 'Forget her, Move on ??'